apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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