Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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