who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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