put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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