I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
