I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
