In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
