When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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