Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
