the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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