this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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