i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
