i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just found a bag of teeth...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
