I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
