he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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