he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
