Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
