mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
