just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
