that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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