ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
