the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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