So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
