Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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