I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
