Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
