phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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