Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think my moral compass just broke
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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