When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize