New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
