im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
