i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize