hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
