xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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