I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
