Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
