The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
