first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
