we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
