Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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