We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
