dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
