If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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