just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
