I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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