gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
