We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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