This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
