I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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