he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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