He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
