She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
