All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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