I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
