Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
