Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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