did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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