I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
