friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There's always time for handjobs
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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