I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
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