They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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