somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
