Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize