Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
