I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
