He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
