Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Randomize
