I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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