I am spending my child support on dildos
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
