just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
