tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How naked do you want me to be?
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