Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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