wanna go halves on a baby?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
