I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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