At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
