Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
