Plan B is the new Plan A
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
