More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
