I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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