Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
