Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
