I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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