I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
