Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
