Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
