this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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