drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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