your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
